How to Raise a Disobedient Submissive

Something humorous that floats around the ‘net that is very much food for thought. My additional comments follow, or are added in italics, adapted from a FetLife post, and expanded upon here.


Submissives, by nature, wish to please their Dominants. It’s an integral part of being a submissive. Sometimes, though, Dominants seem not to really want obedient submissives by the mere fact that they do the following things. So, Dom’s if you are having a difficult time getting your submissive to disobey and act-out here are some helpful hints:

1. Always Be Inconsistent: One of the first things you can do to confuse and disorient your submissive is to constantly change the rules. If yesterday they had to ask to sit on the furniture, then don’t make them ask today. Now, tomorrow when they don’t ask, be sure to punish them strictly! Or better yet, tell them one thing, then turn around and tell them something different. Either tell them when their rules are changing or leave them to guess. Just letting them guess as to what their rules are is a sure way to get them to misbehave.

2. Don’t Consider Them As Individuals/Human: This is a subtle one. When you’re making rules, make rules based around the personality of someone else you know. Don’t think of them as human at all. Treat them like property, like you’ve most likely read on a site. If your sub is a morning person, insist they stay up til 2am each night. If your sub is a vegetarian, make them only eat meat-based dishes, and if they refuse to eat their dinner, make them go hungry. Your sub will begin nodding off to sleep, especially if they have to get up early in the morning, and then you’ve got yourself a real disobedient sub.

3. Have Unrealistic Expectations: Insist that after your submissive works 2 shifts you have them cook a three-course meal. And if its less than 3 courses, punish them severely. This will make them want to serve you even more.

4. Completely Ignore The Way The Human Body Works: If they swallow your cum count that as all their meals for the day. If their bottom is welting and they call a safeword to tell you that it’s gone beyond good pain, ignore them and continue on (after all all pain is the good kind, right?). Only allow them to sleep 2 hours a night. Insist on a nude slave all the time, ignoring the temperature of the day and their body’s natural temperature.

5. Disrespect Safewords: Either completely ignore safewords, or refuse to establish them in the first place. After all, if they really trusted you, they would not need safewords. As a matter of fact, refuse to listen to anything your submissive says. Why listen to a piece of property that’s not human. If they try to tell you that the ropes are too tight or that you’re whipping their kidneys, take that as them just acting difficult.

6. Refuse To Listen To Them: Remember, submissives are there to be led and directed. They are property and therefore can’t think for themselves and they don’t really know what they’re feeling. Feel free to point this out, and refuse to give them an open forum to discuss ideas, concerns, issues, or anything else. If they still try to present their own thoughts, either dismiss them immediately or punish your submissive, severely for being presumptive. Either way, refuse to hear what they are saying.

7. Never Praise Them: Praise will only make their heads swell. They will begin to think themselves above their stations, and begin to take pride and enjoyment from their activities. You must strictly control this. Their only pleasure must come from you, in measured intervals, of course. Do not tell them they have done well or that they have pleased you, ever. You should always have them wondering if they are pleasing. If you do praise them, you risk them gaining a sense of self worth and then why would they need you?!

8. Your Pleasure Is The Only Pleasure: Do not allow them to do anything that will please them. This is two-fold: while this means taking away all their outside interests (it also includes cutting them off from friends), and it also means that you must monitor what submissive acts they take pleasure in. When you find that a particular submissive act is something that gives them pleasure, take it promptly and replace it by an act they find discomforting. It is best if you can be obvious about this. If it is their pleasure to tie your shoes, tie your own shoes in front of them. And, it’s best if this is done with a mocking look on your face.

9. Never Let Them Talk To Anyone Else: You must very strictly monitor all stimulation. Pay special care to keeping them away from other scene folk, as you can’t be sure what new ideas others will suggest to your impressionable sub. You don’t want your sub to be able to “compare notes” with other submissives, as this has the potential to call your actions into question. To much stimulation might cause them to form their own thoughts. Remember you want to avoid this at all costs.


Oh, lord, this would be funny it there weren’t so much truth in it! Why on earth are there so many of these types walking around? Where do they get these screwy ideas?

Other ways to create a “disobedient” sub – let’s all add to the list. I’m sure we can think of dozens of ways:

10. Tell her that if she hasn’t figured out what she is yet (as in having a neat label that suits you) that you’re wasting your precious time with her.

11. Don’t communicate your own changing needs and desires or negotiate them with her when you identify them, but still expect her to comply anyways, especially when your own definitions of what you want are changing frequently. Make sure to hold her to #1 anyways. Only you are allowed to have any variations in what you want or need.

12. Don’t allow her any room for changes in her own self-identification or needs. Only yours matter, and she should be able to figure them out and comply with them gladly, even though you haven’t informed her of them until she violates one of your new rules. Then punish her by any means available, and accuse her of not being supportive of you.

13. Tell her what she’s feeling, and completely disregard what *she* says she’s feeling in favor of your own assessment of the situation if the two don’t match. Do this especially if you think she’s angry about something and she said she honestly isn’t. Then blame her for being upset about you doing this. Projection of your own point of view is always better than actually listening to whatever she has to say, especially if it turns her into being exactly like your ex.

14. Complain about how she’s exactly like your ex, and doing all the same things you wanted to get away from. Don’t be willing to look at how you set it all up and project in order to create that. Ignore the actual person in front of you in favor of what you are expecting.

15. Completely ignore the way that healthy human beings and functioning relationships work. Completely ignore the way that women in particular work.

16. Make it clear to her that her needs for support and to deal with relationship issues don’t matter anywhere near as much as yours do, and that there’s no room for hers past your point of being able to deal with your own shit.

17. Expect her to be 100% focussed on *your* needs, and not to bring her own issues or issues with the relationship up, even when they reach critical proportions, when you are in your own loops, especially when you are in ones that have no forseeable end. Don’t give her any clue about when you might be willing to look at the issues she brings up; just expect her to suck it up for an apparently indefinite period of time.

18. Then, when she has issues and dares to bring them up anyways, blame her for adding to your woes instead of taking them off your shoulders, because you think her sole job in life should be to be to relieve you of your own burdens and soothe your own fevered brow, even when the issues are critical to her. Don’t show any awareness that shit happens whenever it does to all of us, and that sometimes it happens to both people in a relationship at once.

19. Then expect the relationship to continue unchanged, with her redoubling her obedience to you, even though you’ve just set up a situation in which there’s zero way for her to have any assurance of when or how you will actually take her needs into consideration, or to address the relationship issues.

20. Tell her that doms don’t ask their subs for “permission” for anything, and that to be asked to do so diminishes your domliness and power, even when it’s a relationship-level issue that has nothing to do with D/s.

21. Of course, make it *her* fault that your domliness is threatened if she actually expects compliance with relationship agreements and up front negotiation of any proposed changes, and calls you on any violations.

22. Tell her that gee, yes, you think you did once read something about X being a potentially harmful activity, but you think you’ve been in denial of it – or better yet, that she’s full of crap or something along those lines. Of course, X is what you’ve pushed her to do all along, and then gotten angry when she wouldn’t beg you for it, and when she did object to you already having done it. This works even better when the relationship is well-established and long-running.

23. Blame her for lack of trust in you despite you doing all of the above and more. Expect that she trust you no matter what, even when you do things that violate agreements, endanger her, injure her, etc. Expect that she believe your words above your actions.

24. Ignore the substance and tone of something she has concerns about in favor of nitpicking every single little detail in order to prove to her how unreasonable she is being. Double points if the issue is something most men past adolescence have already figured out about women, and you’re triple that age.

25. Tell her that something she did was fine with you, and then throw it in her face later as evidence that she doesn’t honor her own agreements.

26. Tell her that she’s the best submissive you’ve ever had, then disappear into the night after a particularly good scene in which she’s made a lot of progress on something you’ve been working with her on, never to be heard from again.

27. Always be sure to bring up relationship issues while she’s still coming down from subspace, before she can fully defend herself. This will ensure her endless devotion because she will be too devastated to leave or even object.

28. Make sure you put your domliness and self-control in her own hands and then get mad when she doesn’t submit to you. Get pissy and pouty when she has a problem with something that happens, particularly in scene, and make sure that she has to take care of you instead of you helping her through her difficulty, even if she’s in subspace. Tell her that it’s her fault that you don’t feel domly when these things happen, and that she should still submit to you even though you are clearly and explicitly abdicating the control to her. Subs just love it when their dominant hands over all control to them like this, and then blame them for their inability to submit to him as a result. It totally inspires an increasing desire to submit to you at all times.

29. Tell her that the jewelry you gave her with the expressly stated intention of it being a permanent collar to wear every day is a collar that means that she is permanently collared to you. Then later tell her that it’s not a collar, then still later that it is, and so on. Subs just love this kind of uncertainty as to whether they are actually collared or not, and constantly changing definitions of what particular collar-like objects really mean. It really makes them feel incredibly safe and secure in the relationship.

30. Tell her only after the relationship is over that you considered her permanently collared to you when you were together, even though you never said a word to that effect at the time, or had any mutual agreement about the matter, and you only put the collar on her at certain times.

31. Don’t ever practice with your toys, and don’t accept her feedback when something doesn’t work or injures her. After all, a True Dominate Master (TM) automatically is an expert at everything he sets out to do, knows what’s happening to her body better than she does, etc. She couldn’t possibly be right that the flogger wrapped or hit her in the neck or kidneys, because you are so conscientious and highly skilled that you would *never* do that kind of thing, and if it did actually happen, that you would always realize it.

32. Always do the same thing in scenes, and always hit her hard repeatedly in exactly the same spot, even when you know she absolutely despises that. Subs just love being bored to tears in scene, always knowing exactly what’s coming and when, and never having any other parts of their bodies played with and hit but their nipples and clits.

33. Make sure to hit her hard enough to leave marks that last for 6 months and look like they’re never going to go away, especially if being marked permanently is a hard limit. She will learn to love the marks as a reminder of your wonderful domliness, especially if they prevent her from doing things like going to the gym for the entire time it takes for them to go away, and she’s devoted to trying to get in shape and lose weight.

34. Tell her the first time you play together (or even before) that you expect to control every social interaction she has from now on, vet everyone else she might want to date, and control everything she does every day. She will be so enamored of your wonderful play style and masterful control of her that she will automatically turn over all control of her social life and everything else to you.

35. Tell her at the same time that you expect her to go out and find other subs for you to play with. That will ensure her undying confidence in you and that you really value *her*.

36.  Tell her that she’s the best sub you ever had, go on and on about her charms and great qualities – and then leave her because she’s “too normal”.

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