I think there’s also the “how is he looking” issue for women. If a guy is looking in an appreciative “wow that’s a good looking woman” sort of way – I think women are more “understanding” about it. If he’s looking in the “omfg I’d bang that in a heartbeat!” and has drool rolling down his chin …. yeah, not so much.
Definitely, @cola. Ditto if he’s looking at her with a “Come hither” or “On your knees” kind of look directed at her, especially if she responds to it.
It also depends on who started it, and how it progresses. Looking briefly and then looking away? No problem. Looking any way he wants at women that are untouchable like cheerleaders, models in magazines, actresses in films, etc.? Even passing strangers on the street he’ll clearly never see again? Also no problem. Heck, I’ve always pointed these types out to my men myself because their reactions amuse me.
But heavy flirting, lingering looks and drooling over women he’s face to face with or having direct personal contact of any sort with? Mutual eyelock and undressing/ravishing? Verbal/written evidence of a less-than-purely-platonic interest? Especially when she is someone we will routinely encounter in person? Fuck no. Those are all into cheating territory in my book. And cheating is a form of abusive behavior.
Same when a man is indifferent to what I am wearing but not to what other women are wearing.
Mmm, yes, @dimck23. Or what they’re *not* wearing. I was once with a partner at a class on corsets and was trying on different forms to see what would fit. He’s a huge fan of corsets, so you would think he’d have been right by my side, helping me. I looked up and found him in a heavy eye-lock with another woman – who was wearing an underbust corset and bare boobs. You bet I was pissed.
It depends upon the mood I am in, how I’m feeling about myself. If I am in an insecure mood, it will intensify it.
Yup. It also depends on how secure and stable our relationship is. When things are good and going smoothly, I’m much less upset by things like this.
Daddy doesnt flirt and Hes a gentleman
Not flirting with other women is part of being a gentleman in my book, @Daddysangel2, at least absent a specific agreement to the contrary.
Huge difference between glancing, looking, and straight up staring.
You have to ascertain HER [your partner’s] level of comfort and work within her boundaries.
I couldn’t have said it better, @jinxxx. It doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks, only your own partner. If you want her to feel safe and secure, don’t do things like this if you know (or should know) they will upset her. And you *should* know what’s OK with her and what’s not.
I personally need some extra attention after looks have occurred.
I hadn’t thought of that in so many words, @Lanialle, but that very much fits for me as well. I think I will make sure to spell that out the next time I’m in a relationship.
Reaching out for me even while he’s looking would help, too. The absolute worst is seeing the exchange happening and approaching him, only to have to worm my way into his arms because he doesn’t even notice I’m there or is ignoring me, especially if the relationship is already on shaky ground, and even more so if he doesn’t even understand why it’s such a problem.