Abuse Survivors – Call for Volunteers

Are you in an abusive BDSM relationship?  Or think you may be, but aren’t sure?  Had a scene go terribly wrong?

Been raped or otherwise injured nonconsensually in a BDSM context?

Do you feel alone, as if you are the only person dealing with these issues?  Maybe your local community is opposing you because of what you’ve been through, or you’re afraid to speak up at all because perhaps the person who abused you is a community “leader“?

Do you need some support, perhaps someone else to talk to who has been through this?   Help getting out?  Staying safe?  Just knowing that you are indeed not the only one to be dealing with these issues in our circles?  Not a therapist, cop, or attorney, but just another person who’s been there who is willing to help?  Just need to know others who have been in the same boat so that you don’t feel so alone?

Are you angry about your experiences?  And determined to do something about them so that your pain will help others avoid the same thing?

Help explode the horribly damaging myth that we kinksters are somehow immune to abuse because of SSC, negotiation, and all that?  Tired of watching this shit go on endlessly in the “community” and the perpetrators not only not called out for their behavior but often actually glorified and put into positions of leadership?

Some of us who have been through this in one way or another are starting to put together a list of people who have been abused in a BDSM context who are willing to put themselves out there in a very public way in order to reach out to others who are still struggling with these issues as points of contact for anyone who needs help, or even just needs to know that they are not alone.

You’ve likely heard of the Safecall Network.  This is a similar idea, only for dealing with the aftermath of a scene – or whole relationship – gone horribly wrong.

If you’re willing to out yourself publicly as having survived a BDSM-related abusive relationship – or rape or other similar individual encounter in any way related to WIITWD – and are willing to have others contact you and to share your experiences with them, to help out, in whatever ways work for you, let me know if you’d like to be part of this via the Contact section on this blog, or by replying below. (Let me know if you do reply below if you’d like me to keep the reply private.)

The format and details are still pretty hazy, but I’m starting with just a list that will initially include names and preferred contact information.  It will likely evolve into something more extensive as I have time and energy to deal with the technical details.

Edited August 9, 2011

Due to some concerns mentioned on Fetlife and in private communications, let me clarify that “out yourself” in this context only means that you are willing to share your name and contact information for dissemination within the kink community, and specifically here on this blog and elsewhere targetted at our people, expressly for the purpose of allowing other kinksters who are or have been involved in abusive (or possibly abusive) relationships to contact you.  The blog is public, but it’s not like I’m asking anyone to go on TV or out yourself otherwise in the vanilla world.  Scene names are fine – and encouraged.

Email addresses are preferred to links to Fetlife profiles or other sites because many people who find this blog are not Fetlife members, and may not want to take that extra step, but I will certainly add those links if you prefer.

Please do not leave comments here as I am no longer maintaining this blog and will not see it in a timely fashion.  Please comment instead at http://kinkylittlegirl.net/abuse-survivors/ – or contact me at http://kinkylittlegirl.net/contact-me/

6 Responses to Abuse Survivors – Call for Volunteers

  1. tamed says:

    While I am still recovering and having a difficult time of it myself, I would like to make myself available to anyone else who is in need. I lived for nine months with a “Dominant” who terrorized me. That was three years ago. I started seeing a psychiatrist who specializes in PTSD and Rape Trauma Syndrome a few months ago (referred by my psychiatrist before that). And I reentered the kink community last fall. I have started formulating a workshop on PTSD and BDSM, My scene/fetlife name is tamed and I can be found and contacted freely by anyone who needs an ear. For non fet users, I can be contacted at p.i.boots@gmail.com

    • Thank you so much for offering your help, @tamed. I’ll put you up on the list. Do you want to specify a geographical area? Some people might be more comfortable with contacting someone closer to where they live than elsewhere.

      I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this, but good for you for turning your experiences to helping others. I don’t think we ever fully heal from abusive relationships, but we are certainly still capable of offering support to others. Personally, I find it actually helps my own process, and I hope you will find that as well. I wish you peace and healing.

  2. I was the dominant – albeit a disabled one – who was raped by my ex wife – who was supposedly my slave, I don’t mind speaking out, but I think saying submissives or bottoms are the only ones who get abused falls into the same trap as the idea that men cannot be raped – and we need to be very open with the fact that anyone can have their personal rights violated in this manner.

  3. I also have a history of working with abuse victims from institutional settings – I was systematically raped in an institution when I was 18-20

  4. Kristen says:

    I wish I had tried to find help within the community like this blog. I sought out some help after a physically abusive D/s relationship, but their is a prevailing myth that we seek abusive relationships because of lifestyle choices. I did not seek to be seriously injured or otherwise abused by any relationship (vanilla or D/s). The psychological help offered for abuse survivors is often inadequate for the needs of BDSM abuse survivors.

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