Category Archives: Consent

Fifty Shades of Consent


There has been a lot written in both vanilla and kinky circles about the recent phenomenon which is the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy by E. L. James.  People seem to either love the series or hate it, and many … Continue reading

Posted in Consent | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Tolerating Criminal Behavior in the Scene, and Judging Others


Several things have happened over the years that have had me really starting to look at what happens in our circles when clearly and unambiguously illegal behavior comes to light. My first encounter with this sort of thing was finding … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse and BDSM, agreements, Bestiality - Animal Sexual Abuse and Forced Bestiality, Cheating, Consent, Legal Definitions, Negotiation, Rape & Sexual Assault | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Consent, and Effect of Current or Previous Relationship (California)


Note that this definition requires “positive cooperation” and the “exercise of free will”,  as well as knowledge of the nature of the event that is going to happen, among other parameters.  It’s clearly not enough to just not object.  This … Continue reading

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I Will Not Apologize


Stolen from multiple people on Fetlife: ========================================= I will not apologize for setting my own personal boundaries. I will not apologize for doing whatever it takes to enforce those boundaries. I will not apologize for doing whatever it takes to … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse - Getting Help & Staying Safe, agreements, BDSM - General, Consent | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Pushing Past Hard Limits


From The Mistress Manual, in a post decrying Mo’s rape: A Dominant pushing past hard limits, ignoring the sub’s refusal, has just crossed over from BDSM into the very different, very ugly world of rape and sexual abuse. … Dom/mes … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse - General, Consent, How to spot an abuser | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Report on RACK Panel


On March 22, SF Citadel hosted a RACK panel of leaders and educators from the BDSM community dedicated to discussing this question, including its relationship to abuse. The evening’s discussion was terrific.  Panelists included Levi (who was previously employed by … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse - General, BDSM - General, Consent | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Rape, Assault, Battery, and Police Reporting


I came across a fantastic post the other day by Saynine about the problem of rape within the BDSM context entitled “This Isn’t Play…BDSM and Rape“, following on the heels of reports by my friend, the outgoing International Ms Leather, … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse - General, Consent | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Parameters of Consent – Part 1


I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and speaking with others about the issue of abuse within the kink community, and how best to identify it, deal with it, and prevent it.  This post is the first in what I … Continue reading

Posted in Consent, How to spot an abuser, Negotiation | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments