Category Archives: How to spot an abuser

“We Need to Talk” – or Is It Off the Table?


Once again, Mo has managed to articulate so much of how I feel about yet another topic – the dreaded “We need to talk“. I’m so right there with you on the urgency of discussing issues as they come up, … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse - Verbal, How to spot an abuser | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Pushing Past Hard Limits


From The Mistress Manual, in a post decrying Mo’s rape: A Dominant pushing past hard limits, ignoring the sub’s refusal, has just crossed over from BDSM into the very different, very ugly world of rape and sexual abuse. … Dom/mes … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse - General, Consent, How to spot an abuser | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Parameters of Consent – Part 1


I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and speaking with others about the issue of abuse within the kink community, and how best to identify it, deal with it, and prevent it.  This post is the first in what I … Continue reading

Posted in Consent, How to spot an abuser, Negotiation | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Recognition of the Problem of Abuse in the Kink Community, and RACK vs SSC


There are many signs that recognition of the problem that abuse in kinky relationships is growing, along with concern and action to try to stop it. It is clear that abuse in our ranks is at an all-time high, and … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse and BDSM, How to spot an abuser | 1 Comment

What To Do About a Dangerous Top? What If They Are a Community Leader?


Recently I bottomed to a well-known, fairly high-profile member of the Bay Area’s leather community, and I was very upset to find that in real play this person did not live up to the high standards of safety and consensuality … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse and BDSM, Bottoming, How to spot an abuser, red flags | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Protected: Everybody Loves Him


There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Posted in Abuse - General, Abuse and BDSM, How to spot an abuser, Narcissism, red flags | Enter your password to view comments.

A Field Guide to Creepy Dom


ByGaystapo, aka Asher Bauer, reposted with permission: 1. Introduction This is a public service announcement for the BDSM and kink community. It is especially directed at anyone relatively new, and extra especially at anyone who ever bottoms. For the benefit … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse and BDSM, Dominance, How to spot an abuser | 15 Comments