Tag Archives: dominant

Fifty Shades of Consent


There has been a lot written in both vanilla and kinky circles about the recent phenomenon which is the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy by E. L. James.  People seem to either love the series or hate it, and many … Continue reading

Posted in Consent | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

How You Can Help Combat the Abuse Problem


A newbie I met the other day told a tale of being abused or having her limits violated when playing with someone she said is well known at the Citadel, our local community playspace.  She said she’d like to get … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse and BDSM, agreements, Negotiation | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pushing Past Hard Limits


From The Mistress Manual, in a post decrying Mo’s rape: A Dominant pushing past hard limits, ignoring the sub’s refusal, has just crossed over from BDSM into the very different, very ugly world of rape and sexual abuse. … Dom/mes … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse - General, Consent, How to spot an abuser | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Report on RACK Panel


On March 22, SF Citadel hosted a RACK panel of leaders and educators from the BDSM community dedicated to discussing this question, including its relationship to abuse. The evening’s discussion was terrific.  Panelists included Levi (who was previously employed by … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse - General, BDSM - General, Consent | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Protected: Punishment – or Deal With Root Problem?


There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Posted in Dominance, Submission | Tagged , , , , , , ,

What To Do About a Dangerous Top? What If They Are a Community Leader?


Recently I bottomed to a well-known, fairly high-profile member of the Bay Area’s leather community, and I was very upset to find that in real play this person did not live up to the high standards of safety and consensuality … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse and BDSM, Bottoming, How to spot an abuser, red flags | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Being An Asshole, or Topping From the Bottom?


Thank you to Devastating Yet Inconsequential for permission to repost this post.  My comments are below the double line. topping from the bottom Can we please, please retire this concept? Listen, there is such a thing as being an asshole in … Continue reading

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A Submissive’s Needs


Wants vs Needs (author unknown) We often confuse these two things: I WANT and I NEED. Although they may seem to be the same at first glance, there is a huge difference in the two. We want a lot of … Continue reading

Posted in Submission | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Dealing With Anger While Playing, and By Playing


How do you deal with anger when it comes up in a scene?  Or when wanting to find a way to release it to start with? My friend DaddyDarin weighed in the subject in a thread entitled How to release … Continue reading

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Incompatibility vs Uncaring/Abusive?


Dominants, how would you handle a sub/slave who acts this way or in a way you don’t like when you play with him/her but is someone you want to keep on your chain? @redcheeks, I’d start by making sure I … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse and BDSM, Submission | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment